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Sunday, 30 October 2016

When Counselling A Person, The Most Important Question to Ask Is This!

What do you want in life? This I believe is the most important question to ask when you are playing counsellor to someone in personal trouble. or when you are counselling a patient who is  managing a health condition but whose lifestyle is making their illness worse.

Because at the end of the day, you do not have the power to change people. And no matter how many very insightful words you say to them,  if they are not interested in changing their lives, you will just be wasting your time.

For example, if a drug addict is asked this very question, they might respond by saying, "personal pleasure". 

It is a mistake to assume people have high expectations for their lives. For such a drug addict perhaps enjoying the high of  drugs is the most important thing to them.

Therefore, telling them that their point of view is invalid makes no sense. The real job however  is to simply show them that they can aspire for more in life. And afterwards, tell them the truth.

In this case, you need to tell them the facts about illicit drugs. That is all. And leave them to decide what they want to do.

It is their decision to make. And whether or not they choose to make the right choices because of what they believe, the truth will always stand. Just like Iyanla Varzant, the author of  The Spirit of A Man and other books said "some people need to believe that what they believe is right, even at the expense of knowing the truth",

So the lesson is for you not to insert your dreams into other people's lives. Show them the truth instead.

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  1. It really is such a powerful question with such powerful implications. What do you want in life? Is this really what you want for your life to be? Consumed by addiction? I think most addicts would be able to figure out that their current situation isn't what they really want.

    - Sarah Throlson

    1. Thanks for your comment Sarah. I hope so too. I realised that I was always trying to fix my patients (I'm a pharmacist who renders Medication therapy management services) and I always felt disappointed by the kind of unhealthy choices the they would make. Then I got tired and started asking them this question. And it put a lot in perspective. We are all not wired the same. Thanks for sharing