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Saturday, 5 November 2016

Is it OK To Move On After Someone You Really Love Dies? Would That Not Be Betraying Them?

From my experience, finding closure after the death of a loved one is a tough one.

First of all, I think that it is very difficult to get over the shock of their death. It is also difficult to move on with your life in the absence of  someone who used to be a central part of it.

 You will notice their absence as you engage in activities that you both used to do together. And enjoying those things that you two used to enjoy together feels like you are betraying them. But really, should the death of a loved one mark the end of your own life too. Of course it is easier to say these things than to do them.

Whatever the case may be, it is important that we move on with our lives. And how do we do that? By asking questions and answering them

1. Can you love someone in their death?  

In my own opinion, you should not do that. It is  over. You can love their memory. You can value what they stood for, but you should just let them go.

When people decide to do things in the memory of people, the things you do are really not for them. They are for you.

2. Can you undo the past? 
Again, as far as I know, you cannot undo the past. You can only learn from their deaths.

A lot of the times, we take responsibility for the deaths of other people. However, whatever the case, we just have to move on. And moving on, is not denying our past actions, it is allowing them to influence future actions.

According to Oprah Winfrey, "you cannot hold yourself hostage to the things you did in the past...because who has lived and not made mistakes"

I thought that if I organised campaigns targeted towards preventing heart disease, that I would feel better about not catching the early signs of heart failure in my late mum's case. Those efforts did not make me feel better

If saving others makes you feel better about the past, please go ahead. But if it does not, then there is no need to feel bad. But you must take some action to be better.

I learnt from my experience that despite my best efforts, I do not have control over others, but I have control over myself.  So after losing my mum to heart disease, I decided that I was going to live healthier.

How Can you Plan to Move Ahead? 

When I read in the book, The Spirit of A Man (Iyanla Varzant) that we could pray to our forefathers,  I thought that it was a diabolic thing to do. But I think that remembering our lost loved ones might actually help us feel better about ourselves.

I think that this point is more about offering a prayer of thanksgiving to God for the lives they lived. You know, like "Thank God for the life you lived and the that and that you did". Nothing More

Would they be Happy About the Decisions I Have Made? 

Guilt is a huge part of coping with loss. If you lose a parent at a formative age or early in your twenties when you are making a lot of key decisions in life, you will always wonder how they would react to the decisions you make. If you lose a spouse early in a marriage, I can imagine that the case would be worse.

Do their opinions matter. Yes! Absolutely. Whether they are alive or not.  However, what matters at every step of your life  is what God says about your actions.

Last words

Moving on is inevitable. Whether you decide to be miserable or not after you lose someone, you are moving on. Because whatever happens to you after you lose someone; that is what moving on means

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